Well hello world!
This has been a significantly longer hiatus from blogging than I anticipated. LOL. But I realized that while I loved writing, wedding planning took a lot more time than I expected. But it’s all finished and I’m hyphenated so I can return to my writing!.
So let me continue on my first blog as Brian David Hercliff-Proffer! 🙂
For today, I think I’ll get back into the groove of blogging with gabbing about Michael and my wedding 🙂
Imma just gonna put it out there…our day was PERFECT! It was a beautiful sunny day, the venue was gorgeous, the flowers to die for, the donuts and food delicious, music fantastic and photographer amazing! Our wedding party came through for us and with all the special people in our lives in the room and sending us thoughts from wherever they were, it was a day of love and celebration.
But behind our perfect day, there were a lot of personal struggles and conversations in my journey. But somehow it all came together and there’s a sense of peace now with much of it.
If you’ve read my blog since we became engaged or listened to my Friday morning Facebook Live Chats the biggest thing I struggled with was my family throughout the engagement and wedding planning. They are a strong religious and conservative group of individuals. And when I became engaged to Michael that was the line in the sand that many of them could not cross, especially my mom. Long story short she did not attend the wedding.
Now, during the engagement I was upset, angry and hurt. I struggled with how much grace should I give, should I take the high road, etc. I struggled all the way up to the week of the wedding with it.
But somehow on the day of the wedding and since, there has been a peace to the whole situation. I’m not sure if it was because the what ifs were finally answered, if it was when two of my best friends, Amanda and Shawntae, danced with me in place of a mother/son dance, or if it’s because I decided to place Hercliff first in my hyphenated name.
But that day has settled the struggle I’ve been going through with my mom. She will not change and nothing I ever do will change her heart or mind. I have to accept that. I know we both love each other but for the foreseeable future we are not able to hold space together. I’m at a point where I need to be able to be authentically me and she is not in a space, and may never be, to be able to allow me to be that with her or in her presence.
Friends, family and other parents have wondered how a parent can’t attend their on child’s wedding because of who they love. I chatted with Ashley our wedding photographer and one of my oldest UM-Flint friends. And she reminded me that this happens more often than we realize. In my situation its because I was marrying a man. In other situations it’s because of the color of their skin, their socioeconomic status, or their political views.
As a society we’ve cornered ourselves into conditioning our love and respect and in many situations its based on religion or money. And it’s why there are parents who do not attend their child’s wedding, or are not in the lives of their grandchildren. For many unconditional love is not possible because of their conditioned beliefs and inability to allow someone to travel down their own journey of life and be happy that they are living their authentic lives through the good the bad and the ugly.
So, what can we do about it?
It’s the journey of life that those individuals are traveling. I have no place in telling them that it is the wrong path for them. Belittling them, questioning them, or even hating them will do nothing. I’m learning to live and let live. All I can do is live my best authentic life and give what I may not have received to others and support those in the chosen families of others that have invited me in and let alone those who have conditioned their lives. And yes, if you’re reading into this that it’s applicable beyond just this situation, then you’re picking up what I’m putting down.
But our Wedding Day was that moment in my life where it all clicked and came together to bring a sense of peace of mind to me and I’m LIVING for the hyphen.
Until next time!
Peace, Love and Pandas!