Strength in Uncertainty

There’s so much going on in the world that scares me:

President-Elect Trump and his daily Cabinet appointments and transition into the White House

Ohio State University stabbing

A ramp up of hate speech and leaders of anti-LGBT and white supremacy


There’s so much going on in my life that I’m working through:

Struggling to balance goals and expectations as an Administrator versus goals and expectations as a Student Affairs Professional

Preparing for my future with Michael

Balancing the expectations of being a leader in my fraternity

How and if my personality, perspectives and who I am fits into Student Affairs and in the long run how it effects my future ambitions


I’m having so many ponderings and musings about a plethora of topics:

The sense that we are moving towards a world, like in The Giver, that has no diversity and where precision of language supersedes human emotion

Whether it’s right or wrong that I still accept and respect friends who voted for Trump even though I’m being told not to and to remove them from my life because as a gay, Asian, adopted, immigrant, nationalized US citizen they subconsciously hate me

Whether drive and hard work prevents someone from building relationships


kapur-quoteHowever, despite all my fears, struggles and ponderings, I think I’d rather be here in this space of unknown certainty, learning, thinking, struggling and growing than in a space of certainty.

For me, certainty is a wall that prevents development, dialogue and growth. It gives individuals a sense of false superiority and expert status and an inability to hear other perspectives. It makes someone quick to answer and be the expert or be the one to call someone out. And from my experiences, lately, more often than not, people who are certain have done more harm than good.

Over time, I have come to realize that I have learned so much from others even though I was “certain”. And because of those experiences, I think that’s why certainty has become something more fluid and less needed in my life.

Now it’s probably because of this perspective I have, is the reason for being bulldozed over pretty easily. But since Grad School I have consciously tried to not be certain; to put my life experiences and knowledge in a context of it being me and my journey and offering those up to others as options and possibilities, rather than answers.

I have learned that I struggle with working with individuals who are “certain” and “know best”.

It has opened my eyes to the struggles of balancing administrator expectations and development expectations.

These new lessons have given me pause to wonder if I will ever be able to be a higher administrator because of his perspective.

It has forced me to keep those who do claim certainty and expertise at arms length. Because certainty is unwavering and uncompromising.

In some ways I truly believe that the only things certain in life is death and taxes. And even than, you can still evade taxes.

There were originally several different blog posts but reading and editing them over the last few days this seems to have been an underlying theme and foundation.

Now, I’m not perfect at sitting in uncertain spaces. Sometimes old habits die hard and a need to be certain comes rushing to the forefront, but the more I learn to sit in spaces of unknown certainty, the more I have learn of the people and world around me.

burns-quote

I’m still pondering and musing over this but thought I’d share with you what’s been bubbling in my life and ponderings. Thanks for reading!

Until next time,

Peace, Love and Pandas!

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About bdproffer

I am currently the Assistant Manager for the University Activities Board at Michigan State University. After earning my B.A. from the University of Michigan-Flint, I entered the Student Affairs profession. After a few years in the field, I returned to school and earned my M.A. in Educational Leadership-Higher Education Student Affairs from Eastern Michigan University. In my spare time I blog about my thoughts and musings on current issues in higher education, student affairs, web 2.0, LGBT issues and general life inspirations and observations. I also volunteer for Kappa Sigma Fraternity.
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